Hello, I’m going to try to keep this as brief as possible:
My name is Georgia (shey/shem pronouns; any pronouns are fine if you’re transfem), I’m a 33-year-old transfeminine person, and I’ve created this side blog with the intention of explaining transmisogyny, particularly what it looks like within the trans community. Because this is such a complicated subject that some TMEs have trouble wrapping their heads around, having several posts about one specific topic (rather than approaching it all at once) will hopefully help to “detangle” it for them. Any TMEs interested in learning about transmisogyny, how to combat it, and how best to support trans women are welcome to follow/interact/ask questions, but please read the following links before you do:
*Also, please be aware that this blog operates on a queueThe banner I use is by Cosmo
Icon by Kameratar
I feel it’s always important to be aware of one’s privileges, especially when discussing systems of oppression, so if you choose to read through or interact with my blog, please be aware that my perspective is informed by the fact that I am:
• White, USAmerican
• Benefited by thin privilege
• Nonbinary, polygender, & androgynous
• Bi/pan, polyamorous, & arospec
• Physically & mentally disabled
• Intersex
My perspective is very limited, and there is no singular authority on what constitutes transmisogyny — my blog should by no means be your only source of information on trans women’s issues, but hopefully it can serve as a place to start if you want to learn.My Blacklist:
• If you’re wondering why I tend to censor profanity on this blog, it’s trauma-related and I would appreciate it if you would limit the amount of profanity you use in any asks/replies/messages toward me (or, at the very least, censor it).
• I’m comfortable with any other feminine-coded language, but please don’t refer to me as “a girl” or “a female” specifically.
• Neither of these are likely to come up, but please don’t mention or discuss violence in schools on my posts or in my inbox, or share any photos which prominently feature eyes (I would also prefer you don’t use either of the eye emojis, but these are less of a problem for me).
I don’t have a traditional DNI, not because I’m okay with anyone interacting, but because I figure that this blog’s very existence is enough to provoke interaction from people who vehemently disagree with me, no matter what it’s about and no matter how much I ask them not to. If you interact with me, and I determine that you’re a bigot, I’m simply blocking you.I’m not so much interested in changing the minds of transmisogynists as I am in educating TME allies. For this reason, I ask that you do not seek out the authors of any posts I that screenshot and share; with many of them, you’re unlikely to get much of a productive conversation, and I don’t want any hate or harassment sent their way.Feel free to ask me anything, but before you do, I would highly recommend reading through the “Q&A” section first, as I may have already answered your question.If you choose to follow but would like something specific tagged, don’t be afraid to ask. Of course, transmisogyny trigger warning for this entire blog.As this is meant to be an archive/educational resource, I don’t mind at all if you choose to reblog several of my posts at once, interact with posts that are relatively old, or send them to other people.
(Be aware that this Q&A will be updated in the future.)Question:
“What is transmisogyny?”Answer:
Transmisogyny is the form of institutionalized socioeconomic oppression specific to transfems. It shares similarities with both misogyny and transphobia, yet is still distinct from both. You can think of it as being similar to misogyny, but for a group of people who are wholly and outright denied their womanhood.
It is sometimes defined as “the unique discrimination faced by trans women because of ‘the assumption that femaleness and femininity are inferior to, and exist primarily for the benefit of, maleness and masculinity’, and the way that transphobia intensifies the misogyny faced by trans women (and vice versa).”
For further reading, here is a primer written by Julia Serano (who coined the term transmisogyny), here is a comprehensive Reddit post, here is an article that defines transmisogyny and explains how it works within so-called trans-inclusive spaces, and here are some insightful perspectives from a couple trans women.Question:
“What makes transmisogyny ‘institutionalized?’”Answer:
“Institutionalized” means “established in practice or custom.” For oppression to be institutionalized, attitudes of bigotry and discrimination towards a specific group of people must be so normalized and so deeply engrained within a culture that such attitudes are no longer noticed (or otherwise considered completely acceptable) by those who hold them. It is both systemic and interpersonal. You can read more about institutionalized oppression here.Question:
“What is the difference between ‘institutionalized’ and ‘systemic?’”Answer:
Systemic oppression typically refers to the systematic way in which a demographic is unfairly marginalized and disadvantaged, both legally and extra-legally, solely due to their membership to said demographic. It is both institutional and structural. You can read more about it here.Question:
“What is interpersonal oppression?”Answer:
Interpersonal oppression is when a person is — consciously or not — prejudiced against a group of marginalized people which they hold privilege over, and externalizes this prejudice through an act of discrimination or bigotry. Note that not all instances of interpersonal discrimination are necessarily interpersonal oppression, as one may discriminate against another without holding privilege over them (e.g. a gay person being biphobic towards a bisexual person).Question:
“If transmisogyny exists, does transmisandry?”Answer:
Based on the ways I have seen transmisandry commonly defined, I would say no. Firstly, misandry as a form of systemic oppression does not exist — trans men are not discriminated against for being men, but for being trans. Secondly, transmascs do face a specific type of transphobia, but transphobia is not unique to transmascs, while transmisogyny (which is not transphobia) is unique to transfems. Simply put, transmisogyny is the culturally pervasive attitude (held and perpetuated by anyone who is not a transfem) of regarding trans women as a third class of gendered categorization altogether, because, to quote myself, “[transmisogynists] cannot dignify us as women, but cannot accurately misgender us as men either without calling the stability of male supremacy into question.” (This process is called “third-gendering” or “degendering,” and you can read more about it here.) Therefore, transmisogyny operates on a different level of gendered oppression altogether. Again, transmascs do face a specific type of transphobia unique to them, but they do not experience quite the same form of marginalization which trans women do.Question:
“What does ‘TME’ mean?”Answer:
TME stands for “transmisogyny-exempt” or “transmisogyny-excluded”; in other words, not being oppressed by institutionalized/systemic transmisogyny.Question:
“How do I know if I’m TME?”Answer:
If you’re not a transfem, you’re most likely TME. If you’re cisgender, a trans man or transmasculine person, or a nonbinary person who does not identify or partly identify with womanhood (-alignment) or a feminine gender, you’re TME.Question:
“I fit one of the above categories, but I’ve been the target of transmisogyny before. Am I TME?”Answer:
Remember, being TME is about not being oppressed by institutionalized transmisogyny. Is a straight man dating a trans woman suddenly the target of homophobia because he was called a homophobic slur? No, this is an example of interpersonal discrimination which has been misdirected. Remember that, while your experiences are valid and you’re allowed to be upset, being mistaken for a transfeminine person will never be as traumatizing an experience as actually being one.
If you’re still questioning whether you’re TME, read on and consider the definition of “transfem” with regard to your own gender.Question:
“What does ‘transfem’ mean?”Answer:
“Transfem” is short for “transfeminine,” and, for our purposes, transfeminine usually describes someone who was assigned male at birth but identifies with womanhood or nonbinary femininity. In the context of transmisogyny, “transfem” is typically synonymous with “non-TME” and is used as another way to say “someone affected by systemic transmisogyny.”Question:
“Is it possible for an AFAB person to be transfeminine?”Answer:
At this point, I have heard both arguments and can’t say I know for sure which one is right. Some folks believe that certain AFAB intersex and utrinquegender people whose experiences have a great deal of overlap with trans women’s can call themselves transfeminine. But, while I don’t want to discredit these people’s experiences, I personally feel that AFABs in these situations should at least consider using a different term to describe their experiences before settling for “transfem” because:
- even in cases like these, there are still many differences between the experiences of AMAB and AFAB transfems
- “transfeminine” carries certain connotations that could cause more confusion in the long run
- alternate terminology exists for these specific cases, such as “adfeminine,” “sensfeminine,” or “fem-reclaiming.”
- utrinquegender — while it can be used alongside transfeminine — was actually coined as an alternative to cis and trans for those who don’t feel like they fit that dichotomy, and that original definition should be respectedQuestion:
“Can I be transfem if I’m nonbinary, genderfluid, or I also identify with maleness or masculinity?”Answer:
Of course! One problem with the term “transfem” is that it sort of conflates womanhood with femininity, but transfems do not have to be feminine-presenting to be valid. You can present however is most comfortable for you or be any number of nonbinary identities (genderfluid, agender, bigender, demigirl, etc.) and still be transfeminine.Question:
“Is it possible to be transfem if you don’t identify as a woman or as woman-aligned but you’re feminine-gendered?”Answer:
I was on the fence about this issue for a while, so I decided to consult a couple other transfems to get a better perspective. Here’s what they say:
“if said person is facing transmisogyny because of the fact that they present feminine despite being amab, and their presentation is a factor of their true gender rather than in spite of it, (i.e. they aren't gnc and present feminine because of their feminine gender,) then i'd say they're [transfem/non-TME]”
“if you face transmisogyny just because of your presentation rather than who you are as a person then Ur tme, if you face transmisogyny because people are attacking your identity directly, Ur tma/transfem”
I would say that, within cisheteropatriarchy, womanhood and femininity are inextricably linked, so it does not see enough of a difference between a trans woman and a trans-feminine nonwoman to place them into separate categories. They are both “perversions of femininity (and therefore womanhood).” So, if you don’t identify as a woman, but your gender is feminine in nature, you can be transfem.Question:
“I fit the definition of transfem, but I don’t identify as transfem. Am I TME?”Answer:
There are various reasons why someone who fits the definition might not like the term “transfem” when applied to them (such as being genderfluid, transandrogynous, sensfeminine, or a GNC/non-feminine trans woman), and that’s perfectly valid. If you’re one of these folks, then you’re not TME, but there are other terms that you can use to describe your relationship with transmisogyny aside from “transfem,” such as “transmisogyny-affected” (TMA) or “transmisogyny-constrained” (TMC).Question:
“Can an alter in an AFAB system identify as transfem?”Answer:
As a singlet, I am not qualified to decide this rule, but from what I’ve been told, yes. Some alters conceptualize themselves as very different from their system’s body, sometimes including differences in gender and “AGAB.” These alters are individuals who deserve to have their experiences recognized and respected. While they are not necessarily TMA, they can still describe themselves as transfems as long as they don’t try to speak over other transfems who are TMA on the topic of transmisogyny. (Additionally, the term “adfeminine” can also apply to this case — “a woman in a system who’s transfeminine inworld but fronts into an AFAB body would be adfeminine.”)Question:
“Can I call myself a transfem/trans woman even if I don’t fit the definition?”Answer:
Transfemininity is a way to describe a category of people whose genders are systematically invalidated through misogyny, transphobia, and transmisogyny specifically because of the way that we reject and subvert the concept of male supremacy. AFAB nonbinary people who identify with womanhood will have their genders questioned and invalidated on the basis of their nonbinarity, but they will not have their womanhood systematically revoked in the same way that transfems do.
If you’re an AFAB nonbinary woman, of course you’re fully welcome to call yourself trans. But “trans woman” (together, in that order) is deliberately evocative of transfemininity and gives a false perception of whether you’re TME or not. If you’re TME, it’s for the best that you try to avoid calling yourself things like “trans woman,” “trans lesbian,” or “transfem.”Question:
“Isn’t this just another way to ask for someone’s AGAB?” or “Doesn’t labeling people things like ‘TME’ or ‘TMA’ just recreate the gender binary?”Answer:
A) Again, TMEs can be cis or trans, intersex or perisex, binary or nonbinary, etc., as long as they’re not definitionally transfem. Disclosing the fact that you’re TME is not the same as disclosing whether you’re AMAB or AFAB.
B) The simple fact of the matter is that the circumstances of one’s birth will play a part in how one is perceived and treated by society at large. That is why, in specific contexts, we differentiate between trans and cis and between TMA and TME. Acknowledging differences in privilege in no way necessitates conformity to cissexist/binarist ideas of gender.
Unfortunately, these are talking points TMEs tend to use a lot, both of which I have addressed here, but I doubt certain TMEs will find any of these answers satisfactory. I don’t know how else to explain that trying to problematize the language which oppressed people use to refer to their oppressors is the same rhetorical strategy that oppressors have always used in response to having their privilege pointed out, usually in an attempt to acquit themselves of accountability for their role in oppressive systems. At the point that you can’t accept that fact, I have to assume you’re most likely motivated by silencing trans women when we try to speak up about the part LGBTQ+ TMEs play in oppressing us to avoid taking responsibility for your own complicity.Question:
“I am transfem/TMA and I disagree with something you’ve said.”Answer:
As I’ve mentioned before, I am just one person and my perspective is very limited. If you have something you feel needs to be added to this conversation, you are more than welcome to message me, send me an ask, or reblog my posts with your thoughts. I would be very grateful to hear from you.Question:
“I am TME. What can I do to be a better ally to transfems?”The answer to this question became ridiculously long, so I made a new section for it.
Here are some things to keep in mind if you’re a TME person (especially a trans TME person) looking to be a better ally to transfeminine people:- Understand that you are privileged over transfems for being TME and that you are fully capable of being transmisogynistic, even if you are trans yourself
- Understand that, even if you have faced interpersonal instances of transmisogyny, you do not experience it on a systemic level; transmisogyny doesn’t seek to dehumanize you personally, and you are still a part of the oppressor class
- Understand that “TME” is not a term meant to hurt or silence you; understand it’s value before you try to criticize its usage
- If you have a problem with transfems who use “TME” as a noun, ask yourself why. Being made uncomfortable by descriptors being used as nouns is totally reasonable considering how frequently oppressors do it to dehumanize the groups which they oppress (e.g. “gays,” “transgenders,” or “autistics”). However, if you have no problem with referring to white people as “whites” or neurotypical people as “neurotypicals” and only have a problem with “TMEs,” it seems like you’re just trying to police transfems’ language and the way we talk about our oppressors
- When you see a transfem talking about transmisogyny within the community and feel “called out,” don’t respond with vitriol, but take the time to assess how you might be contributing to the very issue that person is talking about and how you might change that
- Trans TMEs specifically: Stop obscuring your relationship to transmisogyny. Especially if you frequently speak on trans issues, normalize the act of checking your privilege. Readily disclosing and being mindful of the fact that you’re TME is one way to help cultivate a safer community for trans women
- If you’re talking about trans issues and a transfem asks you if you’re TME or not, don’t accuse them of asking you about your genitals/AGAB; it’s a disingenuous misrepresentation at best and has highly transmisogynistic implications
- Don’t label instances of transmisogyny as “transphobia.” When an issue is specific to transfems and can be contributed to by trans TMEs, calling it an issue of transphobia, in effect, acquits trans TMEs of accountability
- Stop playing the victim in discussions of transmisogyny. Stop appropriating our oppression and stop blaming us for your oppression
- Understand that pointing out that trans men are privileged over trans women and are complicit in transmisogyny is not the same as saying they’re as privileged as cis men or that transphobia doesn’t exist
- TME trans people: Quit blaming trans women for those who silence and erase you. To trans men especially, we are not to blame for cis women using your relative privilege over us as an excuse to shut down your discussions about transmisia and insiting that you have privilege over them as well. They’re just being transphobic and likely have no sympathy for trans women either
- Understand that transmascs don’t need an alternate term to “transmisandry,” or any term for transphobia specific to transmascs. If you want one in order to talk about your personal experiences, transmisia would suffice, but it’s fine if you want something more specific, like how nonbinary people have “exorsexism” (just please don’t use transmisandry). But, before you make a decision, keep in mind the fact that a lot of transmascs who’ve discussed this before have made evident that their desire for a specific word comes from a (sometimes deliberate) misunderstanding of transmisogyny as being “transmisia directed at trans women.” As I’ve made clear before, that is not the case, but they will tell you that “If trans women have a word for it, we should have one, too!” with their implicit goal being the ability to accuse trans women of “transandrophpbia,” or what have you, and deny their own privilege over us. Before you make the decision to coin and start using a new term, please consider what you will actually be using it for
- Be aware that when transfems make broad statements about transmascs, their experiences, and their community, we are doing so from a place of being oppressed by them. What may look like assumptions and generalizations is actually transfems taking into account that transmascs enact transmisogyny and benefit from TME privilege differently from cis people, and that their transmisogyny is addressed differently because we share the trans community. (This is also contributed to by the fact that trans men are regularly the center of discussion when it comes to trans allyship; while transfems are easily able to familiarize ourselves with transmasc-specific issues, transmisogyny still remains widely misunderstood)
- If you’re TME, don’t call yourself a f*mboy. I know it might feel empowering and like a reclamation of negative stereotypes about you, but the word itself specifically has roots in transmisogyny and is still used to demean, misgender, and fetishize trans women
- Also, don’t reclaim the t slur if you’re TME (or any other transmisogynistic slurs, for that matter)
- Understand that, if you’re nonbinary, binary trans women neither oppress you, nor hold privilege over you
- Stop calling yourself “binaryphobic.” It’s not a funny joke and it only serves to demonstrate how little you understand about what transmisogyny is, your relationship to it, and why it needs to be taken seriously as an axis of oppression
- Understand that you as a TME are not the authority of what is and is not transmisogyny and that viewing trans women speaking out about our oppression as too aggressive/pushy/assertive or saying that we’ll “call anything we don’t like transmisogynistic” plays directly into the transmisogynistic idea that trans women are “male socialized,” and therefore entitled/aloof/overly hostile
- Understand that, even when we do come off as hostile or aggressive, we have the right to be. Anger is a rational emotional response to being treated unfairly, let alone dehumanized on a regular basis by the majority of society
- Be aware that transmisogyny is routinely downplayed by TMEs in the trans community and be critical when you see TMEs saying that a transfem is overreacting, causing drama, or making an issue out of nothing
- Be aware that transfems are held to a higher standard than TMEs and frequently ostracized from our communities for making minor errors which any TME would be excused for (or even for refusing to be passive toward transmisogyny), and when a TME tells you a transfem is “problematic” (especially for being hostile or aggressive), don’t just take their word for it
- Additionally, trans women’s actions — especially with regards to sexual expression — are frequently scrutinized and policed far more aggressively than TME women’s, often being used as (or implied to be) “proof” that trans women are inherently perverted, predatory, and/or dangerous. (Note: Even in cases where a single individual trans woman is being “called out” for their sexuality, think critically and ask yourself if you would feel the same way if they were a cis woman)
- Be aware of how TMEs are often more willing to listen to and amplify the voices of other TMEs who speak about transmisogyny than they are of actual transfems; be willing to get uncomfortable when confronting your privilege
- Remember that transfems do not want you to speak for us. It’s important to call out transmisogyny wherever you see it, but remember that the goal is to boost our voices. Be careful not to center yourself and your own perspective by making a show of your allyship, and instead direct attention back to what we have to say about our experiences
- Understand that even when we are silent about our intracommunity oppression, we still end up effectively excluded from the trans community through the prioritization of TMEs, the simultaneous performative allyship/tokenism of transfems and erasure of transfem oppression/experiences and the perpetuation of transmisogyny from within the community, creating an inhospitable and even abusive environment for us
- Be aware that the term “cancel culture” is often used as a dogwhistle to mean “I was called out for racism/transmisogyny and people were upset when I reacted with hostility”; cancel culture does not exist (although ostracization is something which frequently effects trans women and women of color)
- Do not engage with TERFs. Learn who they are and deplatform them. Stop exposing trans women to transmisogyny by reblogging from them
- Understand that TERFs as a hate movement specifically target trans women and that general transmisia is nowhere near as prevalent as the transmisogyny in TERFism
- Understand that TERFs are not whatever bad thing you want them to be. Yes, radical feminism is often racist, misogynistic, bimisic/panmisic/mspec-misic, amisic, transmisic, exorsexist, anti-GNC, anti-choice, anti-sex worker, and anti-sex. But TERFs are a specific group of transmisogynists who mask their transmisogyny behind feminist arguments. “However valid your views are, trans women and our suffering aren't your props to win arguments with.”
- Don’t call every transmisogynist you see a TERF either
- “[Y]ou shouldn’t need to justify opposition to radfems by saying that they also hurt afab people”
- Understand that, while your experiences with transmedicalists and exclusionists should not be brushed aside, neither of these groups are as widespread, well-organized, or efficient as TERFs, and that comparing them to TERFs down plays the violent transmisogyny which the latter group engages in
- Also, stop comparing TERFs to TEHMs. “Trans-exclusionary homosexual males” are no doubt harmful and transmisic, but their goal is to exclude trans men from their communities. TERFs’ goal is to use feminism and bioessentialism to influence policy to further marginalize (and eventually exterminate) trans women. TEHMs are largely passive, while TERFs are always active
- Remember that, even if you’ve had many bad experiences with TERFs online, that doesn’t change the fact that you are not the target of their rhetoric. The abuse and harassment you’ve endured, online or offline, cannot be excused or brushed aside. But please don’t use it to insist that TERFs aren’t primarily transmisogynists. Don’t use it to erase the fact that transfems have been stalked, doxxed, assaulted, and had their lives ruined, even ended, by TERFs and their influence over policy and the discussion surrounding trans women’s rights
- Don’t let your hatred for TERFs supersede your support of trans women. Support for us should be an end in itself, not a way to make TERFs angry. Stop platforming TERFs and start showing substantive support for trans women. “[F]ighting oppressors is not the same as supporting the oppressed.”
- Quit making light of transmisogyny by making light of TERFs
- Quit celebrating and platforming transmisogynistic rhetoric that doesn’t harm you personally. TERF hashtags like #TransMenAreNotWomen should not be counted as a win for trans men and making fun of TERFs will never be as important or helpful as deplatforming them
- Quit making death threats and threats of violence directed at TERFs. You aren’t helping, and, if anything, only fueling their vitriol toward us
- Quit calling TERFs “misandrists” or saying that their hatred of trans women derives from a hatred of men
- Stop insisting that TERFs aren’t real feminists. The idea that “feminist = automatically a good person” is harmful and dangerous. Feminist theory is amoral and you shouldn’t assume that anyone who fits your idea of a “good feminist” is automatically a good person or that anyone whose application of feminism is different from yours is automatically not a feminist
- Stop trying to draw a distinction between TERFs and radfems for the purpose of “reclaiming” radical feminism. All contemporary radical feminism is influenced by TERFism, and there are plenty of alternative feminist theories which are both trans-inclusive and address the root problems with patriarchy
- Don’t fall for the TERFist lie of “AFAB oppression”
- Understand that the theory of “gendered socialization” is a TERF dogwhistle and transmisogynistic to its core; trans women do not have male privilege, nor are we “socialized as men”; we are socialized as trans women
- Expanding on the point above, understand that transfems do not have “authority” within the trans community, despite what TERFs will tell you. They will tell you that we decide what is problematic and who deserves to be “canceled,” that we silence dissenting thought and always make ourselves the center of discussion, and that we label anything we find even remotely displeasing as transmisogynistic. As mentioned, this is because they believe that we’re male-socialized (and therefore entitled), despite the fact that we clearly have no such power within the trans community. Be critical of anyone you see bringing up these dogwhistles, even if they insist they aren’t a TERF or don’t believe in gendered socialization
- Understand that TME trans people can still be transmisogynistic, can repeat TERF rhetoric and dogwhistles, and can even be TERFs themselves; therefore, when a transfem accuses you of espousing TERF talking points, listen before writing them off with, “But I’m trans! I can’t be a TERF!”
- Understand that TERF rhetoric is specifically designed to be appealing to you as a TME in order to get you onto their side with the use of dogwhistles. You must be extremely vigilant and frequently interacting with those who take it upon themselves to point out and debunk dogwhistles to avoid internalizing such dogwhistles
- “Stop prioritizing the beliefs of ex-TERFs over the needs, safety, and comfort of trans women.”
- Understand that trans women are not culpable for our own oppression; do not call us or compare us to TERFs or radfems, do not accuse us of repeating TERF rhetoric, and if you do see a transfem being transmisogynistic, understand that that is an intracommunity issue that doesn’t concern you, and simply don’t engage with that person
- Understand that transmisogyny is still running rampant within the trans community (and larger LGBTQ+ community) and say something when you see it
- Be aware that, when you call them out for transmisogyny, you will face pushback from other TMEs who will say you’re speaking for trans women. Be willing to explain to them that boosting our voices by bringing attention to our words and writing is quite the opposite of speaking for us
- Quit bringing up transmisogyny in unrelated discourse. For the same reason that you shouldn’t compare TERFs to exclusionists or truscum, talking about how transmisogynistic aces or trans men are in order to further your own agenda (especially when you rarely call out transmisogyny within your own community) is actually speaking for us. Cut it with the performative allyship and quit tokenizing us
- Don’t be the kind of ally who just “cancels” transmisogynists for Woke Points; be actively fighting against transmisogyny wherever you see it, including within yourself and your circles. Remember that it is a system of oppression and not just a belief that some particularly bad people hold
- When you are called out for transmisogyny, don’t make your response all about how you’re a flawed human being and you feel awful for ever hurting anyone. It’s good that you can recognize and accept your own ignorance, but self-deprecation is often a thinly-veiled excuse for your actions and it centers the discussion back on yourself rather than the ways which transfems are hurt and marginalized. Simply apologize, acknowledge why you were wrong, change your behavior, and move on. “Self-deprecation is not accountability.”
- Furthermore, don’t make your response all about how you didn't mean to come off as transmisogynistic. Intent does not matter when something you’ve done or said hurts transfems. Transmisogyny is deeply ingrained within our culture, which is why you won’t always be well-equipped to spot it, so you just need to listen when we point it out instead of stating the obvious (that you “just weren’t thinking” or “just didn’t realize”)
- This is a minor thing, but don’t respond to posts about transmisogyny with comments of disbelief like, “How do people not already know this?” or “How could people do this? How hard is it to just be a good person???” It doesn’t matter how many question marks you use, you’re still very much part of the oppressor class; the best way for you to show support for transfems would be by reblogging our posts without the commentary that makes the it all about how you personally feel, and you’re only betraying your ignorance toward what transfems have to deal with every day. The more incredulous you are toward statements about our lived experiences, the more shallow and performative your remarks seem. Pretending like you’re above enacting and contributing to transmisogyny only makes you blind to the more subtle ways which you hurt transfems
- Remember that transmisogyny is a pervasive cultural attitude, which means that not everything which is transmisogynistic will seem that way to you as a TME at first. You won’t always see our suffering, so don’t just accept that your perspective about our experiences is always right. Remember also that transfems are forced to be painfully aware of cultural transmisogyny, and when we say something is harmful to us, understand and accept our authority on the subject and listen
- Call out TMEs in our community who praise transmisogynistic media
- Quit calling our hyper-visibility in the media “a privilege.” All marginalized people deserve better representation — you don’t have to throw other oppressed groups under the bus to get it
- Quit making transmisogynistic jokes about feminine men and masculine women. Learn to recognize transmisogynistic caricatures and stereotypes in media
- Understand that the needs of trans men and trans women are different and that “trans allyship” will look different for both groups; not everything that seems harmless to trans men will have the same consequences for trans women
- Transmascs in particular: Stop trying to claim female spaces and resources for yourself. In doing so, you contribute to (TERFist) bioessentialism and implicitly misgender trans women by claiming a “female” identity when it is convenient for you and feeling entitled to spaces and resources that should be accessible to us, but rarely are in any substantial way. (Note: Do not mistake “female spaces/resources” for things like menstrual products, abortions, and access to gynecologists. Efforts to degender and decolonize human bodies should include making such resources available to anyone who needs them, not just “females,” and should strive for trans and intersex-inclusive healthcare)
- Don’t make every positivity post you see about trans women into a post about trans men/trans TMEs or fuel to anger TERFs. We’re already so often erased or turned into a discourse talking point and positivity on the Internet is the barest amount of support TMEs can show us. You can make your own post
- If someone asks you not to call them dude, bro, or other gendered terms — even if they seem frustrated — don’t use the excuse that you “use those terms neutrally.” In many contexts, they are gendered and can be very dysphoria-inducing. All you have to do is apologize, move on, and not do it again
- It’s good to use they/them pronouns before assuming you know what someone’s pronouns are, but be mindful that some trans women are expressly uncomfortable with they/them because, historically, degendering us has been a way to simultaneously uphold male supremacy and refuse to recognize our womanhood
- Understand that transfems’ bodies are seen as inherently sexual due to transmisogyny and that the discourse surrounding “genital/dating preferences” is often used as a dogwhistle (and frequently brought up at inappropriate times) for misgendering us, referring to our bodies as “male” (and therefore grotesque), and applying transmisogynistic stereotypes to us, even by those who consider themselves allies
- Listen To And Boost The Voices Of Trans Feminine People When We Discuss How Transmisogyny Affects Us, What It Looks Like In Action, And How It Manifests Within Trans-Inclusive Spaces
- From my perspective, a lot of this discourse started when tumblr user @intersex-ionality stated their highly misinformed opinions on the term “TME” itself; many of the problems with their assessment came from the fact that they simply do not view transmisogyny as a legitimate form of violent, systemic oppression, but rather a prejudice held by some individuals which sometimes affects people who aren’t trans women. The first step to being a good ally is recognizing the reality of transmisogyny as a form of oppression